on the science of love

Welcome to my first love letter!  My intention is to spread science, stories, and some Stella perspective on how to amplify your awesomeness at work, home, and everywhere in between. I'm calling this a love letter because this comes from love, from a deep desire to see you flourish - feeling totally alive and awake to the amazing person you are and the life you live (even if you don't always see it that way). Since it's V-day I figured I'd kick off with an examination of the L-bomb itself.

A few days ago I sent an email to my advisor from grad school, Dr. Barbara Fredrickson. Barbara just happens to be the world's leading expert and researcher on positive emotion (isn't it cool that she's one of the first people who helped guide the foundations of WOOPAAH?! holla!). Barbara just released her new book, LOVE 2.0, where she gives the low down on this particular transcendent experience of our humanness from a scientific perspective. She also answered a few of my personal questions. Here's what I got:

 Why is love so grand?

 Love not only feels good but it literally nourishes our body just like food and sunlight. Out of all the positive emotions (joy, serenity, awe, etc) love is considered the SUPER emotion because of its powerful effects on our well-being. Love can literally influence what parts of our DNA get expressed in our cells.  

So what is love 2.0?

Fredrickson expands our notion of love, defining it the way your body does: a momentary state of warmth and connection that you share with another living being. It becomes less about relationships and more about moments - reverberation of feelings between two people. Here are the three things happen when you experience love:

1. A sharing of one of more positive emotions between you and another

2. A synchrony between your and another person's biochemistry and behaviors (for example, your brains sync up, you may start walking at the same pace, or breathing in the same rhythm)

3. A reflective motive to invest in each other's well-being that brings mutual care

How can love help you at work?

When we experience love, the walls between ourselves and the world outside of our bodies becomes one. Literally the signal we have in our brain that defines the border of our self (whatever is outside our skin) and non-self begins to blur.  Experiencing this sense of cohesion with others elevates your ability to work as a true team.   Studies show that literally your brain synchronizes to be on the same wavelength as another...this is called brain coupling.  Your brain can even begin to anticipate the other’s thoughts - not just mirror them. Shared emotions, brain synchrony, and mutual understanding emerge as an awesome trifecta when two people “get” each other, when you become attuned with another.

Easy ways to spread the love 2.0 today:

1. When someone is speaking be there truly present and listen with care. 
2. Notice positive qualities about someone and pay them an authentic compliment.
3. Shine those whites on somebody today - authentically and unexpectedly - and watch how they light up. 
4. Say a conscious thank you with all your heart when someone does something for you today. 
5. Share this love letter with someone telling them you care about their well-being. 

We also asked Dr. Barbara Fredrickson for some personal insights, here's our interview with her:

In your book you talk about our need to consider love in new ways... how has this manifested in your life? 

It makes me realize even more so that I can’t take my loving relationships for granted.  With my husband – and with my kids – I look for more moments when we might share a common source of amusement, inspiration, awe, or affection.

WOOPAAH is all about getting grown-ups to play so they can be more awesome at work. Do you see a connection between play and love?

Most definitely!  Especially when we grown-ups play with others, and not just by ourselves (i.e., dancing in your own living room before anyone else in the house wakes up).

What's the role of love in the workplace?

You need not use the L-word in the workplace to benefit from knowing how and when to create more micro-moments of positive connection with work colleagues.  Doing so helps unlock collective capacity.

4. What question would you ask the next person that WOOPAAH interviews?

How connected and “in-tune” did you feel when interacting with people today?

More about Barbara Fredrickson:

Dr. Fredrickson is the Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology and Principal Investigator of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab at the University of North Carolina. She is a leading scholar within social psychology, affective science, and positive psychology. Her research centers on positive emotions and human flourishing and is supported by grants from the National Institute of Health. Her research and her teaching have been recognized with numerous honors, including, the 2000 American Psychological Association's Templeton Prize in Positive Psychology. Her work is cited widely and she is regularly invited to give keynotes nationally and internationally. She lives in Chapel Hill with her husband and two sons.

Until next time! 

With much love,

Stella

a heartfelt thank you

To our dear, awesome supporters:

We are so thankful to all of you who contributed to our Indiegogo campaign. We’ve learned a ton of valuable lessons in the process of fundraising, and will be sharing more about that experience soon. In the meantime, we send out a warm and heartfelt thanks, and want you to know that your funds are being put to great use. We are currently working on setting up fabulous equipment and designs for our new iScream truck in San Francisco! Stay tuned!

A special thank you to those who donated:

Polina Grizont

Marina Rosenthal

Yelena Mizikovsky

Gabriel Zichermann

Selena Soo

Jacob Silber

Sloane Davidson

Alexis L Howerton, Shoehorn LLC

Lisa Zigarmi

Lauren Epshteyn

Robyn Hatcher

cityHUNT

E Bailey Woodhull

Manoush Zomorodi

Julie Gordin

Elizabeth Elizardi

Lana Rovner

Amy Kleinman

Ninh Tran

Julia Krispeal

And more!

We are so grateful for your generosity and support.

With love and positivity,

WOOPAAH

7 steps for how not to feel bad for feeling bad.

Ever have a day when you know you have tons to be grateful for but still feel like shit? Don't feel bad about feeling bad. Judging your emotions actually stops the flow of information you're receiving. Which is the whole point of feelings. Feelings are another sense. The sixth sense. They allow us to navigate towards a better place. The more you bottle up your negative emotions, however uncomfortable they are, the more icky they become. Feelings just want to to be felt. Acknowledged. They want your attention. If you ignore them or disconfigure them - they'll just do all sorts of gymnastics to get your attention. And instead of showing you how to improve a situation, a relationship, yourself - their kungfu will get the best of you - until you're on your back with no other place to go. 

So how exactly does one not feel bad about feeling bad? Or not bottle up without turning looney tunes? Or receive the info so they don't need to get beat up completely with all sorts of tough biznass. 

Well here's how:

1. Acknowledge that you feel like crapola. 

2. Know that it's not YOU who is the crapola, it's just a fleeting sensation.

3. Know that fleeting sensation will pass. I can't guarantee how long it will take. So you have to be patient. The more you lean into this - the easier it will subside.

4. Pretend you can actually see yourself from 30 feet above and watch yourself. Imagine who you are watching is just a little kid who is going through something. Would you tell that little kid they're a loser, weak, or bad for being where they're at?

5. I hope not.

6. Give an imaginary hug that little kid. Love that kid. 

7. Give yourself a break. Find a way to be quiet, sleep, exercise, scream, do whatever feels right in the moment to show yourself you care about you and that you're honoring where you are at. Even if this is inconvenient. Even if this takes time that you may think you don't have.

My inspiration for The i Scream Truck came out of this process. Instead of judging myself for wanting to scream, I just let it happen. I acknowledged that something was up and that I wasn't crazy for feeling so overwhelmed. I chose not beat myself up for my emotions, but rather just acknowledged and expressed them with some screaming. Afterwards I felt tons better. 

If this resonates with you take one minute and 10 bucks to contribute to The i Scream Truck campaign to generate inner peace one block at a time!

With much love,

Stella

why is play important?

Since we launched WOOPAAH we've talked with people/ companies who "got it" and some that didn't. At WOOPAAH we inject a level of playfulness in all that we do not just because it's more fun - but because it works! 

First, let's define play. According to Gordon Burkgdart, the leading researcher on the evolution and genesis of play, there are five main criteria:

1. It's done for its own sake - there is no objective or desired outcome in mind.

2. Intrinsic motivation - we are biologically wired to play throughout our entire life. Plus, it's voluntary, spontaneous, contagious, and (like games) rewarding and reinforcing.

3. It feels good - you experience a sense of pleasure and joy in a relaxed field free of other obligations.

4. It's not serious - play disappears under stress or the need to perform. 

5. There is no need for perfection - you get messy as you become masterful.  

Play is a sacred design principle and outcome for WOOPAAH. We use scientific research from positive psychology and have found that play is the least-action pathway (fastest and easiest way) to achieving innovation, connection, and positive vibes. The reason why play works so well as an activating force is because it's a natural occurring resource within everyone of us. Everyone wants to do it! And it feels good!  Play offers a safe way for teams to go do what they normally are told not do: be wrong and push boundaries. When there is allowance, in fact, encouragement, to experiment and make mistakes, innovation occurs, guards are let down, and people feel good about themselves.

The very fact that play contains so much nonsense, so much replication, and is so flexible certainly suggests that it is a prime domain for the actualization of whatever the brain contains. And for that matter, speaking in behavioral rather than neurological terms, play is typically a primary place for the expression of anything that is humanly imaginable (Sutton-Smith, 1997, p. 226).

Join us on Saturday's August 11th + 18th  for our latest playful creation, The I SCREAM Truck at 25th street & Park Ave from 7am-1pm.  

Best,

Stella

Introducing the I SCREAM Truck

I'm excited to announce that we've launched a new project, the I SCREAM Truck. The I SCREAM Truck was inspired by a few of my own personal melt-downs (general stress from feeling overwhelmed, too busy, too much work, etc). Upon feeling totally stressed out I just wanted to scream, shake myself out, and slam. One day I just did it - while alone in my apartment. And DAMN did I feel so much better and lighter. But I must admit, I couldn't help but feel self conscious and restricted - wondering if my neighbors heard me. 

That's when the idea hit me. Why not create a private place for New Yorkers to fully express whatever they're emotionally experiencing? Between the crappy economy, job uncertainty, and always being "on"  - people are more stressed out then ever. So why not give them a way and a place to deal?  

Since money is the #1 source of stress for Americans and work is #2 according to the APA 2011 report on stress- I thought we should start off with a truck so we could park outside of offices everywhere. 

We recently did a test launch on July 22nd and discovered some interesting insights that are helping us evolve the truck.

1. People loved the I SCREAM Truck even if they weren't that stressed to begin with. They found the experience helped them relax even deeper. Great! 

2. Even for those who don't like to scream, the process was cathartic and kind of exciting. Awesome.

3. It's important for there to be total privacy and no sight of the outside world. So no lights coming through cracks - and sound proof. Got it!

We've taken things up a notch and will be at our round 2 version of the I SCREAM Truck for NYC's Summer Streets festival. If you're around, join us for a private 10 minute quickie for free - you'll leave a new human being. We'll on 25th & Park from 7am-1pm on August 4th, 11th, and 18th.

Come be one of our first screamers and tell us what you think about the process.

Best,

Stella