Get in Touch with Your Inner Wisdom—and Get Out of Your Own Way with Lisa Zigarmi

Hey Everyone!

Question for you: Do you ever feel like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill? That you’re just doing what it takes to make it through the day? If you ever feel like “Wow, this is mission f’in impossible... how am I going to make it long term?” then you are going to love this week’s conversation with Lisa Zigarmi. 

As Director of Client Services for The Ken Blanchard Companies and a principle of GrowWise, Lisa develops leadership among the Fortune 500 around the world.  Lisa also happens to be one of my best friends - so I’m super excited to share her with you. What she’s found is that conventional ways of thinking, acting, and leading are not solving organizations’ most challenging and important problems.

Lisa shares with us some of the newest research for recognizing and cultivating our own individual wisdom; which is the only way out of us pushing, reacting, and pushing some more. And really, who couldn’t benefit from that?!

Lisa starts off with a fascinating distinction between knowledge and wisdom. Most organizations focus on developing skill sets and competencies (i.e., knowledge); but if as Einstein said,

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it,

then we must develop a new approach to how we operate at work (i.e., wisdom).

One point Lisa discusses that really resonated with me is that we are more than just the sum of our experiences; you are bigger than your successes and much more than your losses. It’s so easy to identify with what we do or with what happens to us; Lisa shows us how to stay above that all.

Finally, you know those gut instincts you have, the ones you sometimes second-guess? Spoiler alert: That’s your inner wisdom speaking! Lisa offers suggestions for how to adjust your subliminal antenna in order to not only hear your instinctive wisdom but actually listen to it.

I know you are going to find this week’s chat as moving and mind-boggling as I have.

And in case you haven’t heard, February is WOOPAAH’s two-year anniversary month! As a special anniversary gift to you, we’re offering our online class, “The Science of Happiness: Hacks & Skills to Flourish,” for a mere $24. That’s more than 75% off its standard price of $97! The special ends with the last day of the month, Friday, the 28th…so what are you waiting for?!

Here’s to inner wisdom!

With love,

Stella

How to NEVER be Bored Again...ever...seriously.

The Wisdom of Gossip: A chat with Robb Willer

Photo by Matt Griffin via FlickrOh. Em. Gee. I got here way early today, and I saw Lisa putting the community snack bars in her Prada bag. Like, she took ALL the snack bars. And I was really surprised, ‘cause Lisa already had breakfast, and, like, who takes the last snack bar? So, anyway, you’d better grab your snack bar before she comes in tomorrow.

Recent research suggests gossip can be good for the group -- if it’s the right kind.

Robb Willer, professor of sociology, psychology, and organizational behavior at Stanford talked with us about what kind of gossip is really ‘good.’ (Audio of the interview will be posted soon!)

“In general, gossip gets a bad rap. People think of gossip as a way to slander other people, they think of it as unreliable information.” But, this is only one kind of gossip. “Often, people pass on negative information about people who have behaved in an antisocial, immoral, or exploitative way. They pass this on to new people with the intention of, essentially, protecting those people.”

In a nutshell, gossip that conveys information about someone’s selfish or immoral behavior can help others be more vigilant in future encounters with them.

But what motivates this beneficial gossip? Robb and his team actually monitored the heart rate of their participants and found that people became agitated when they saw someone acting selfishly. The more frustrated they were, the more motivated they were to warn others about the selfish behavior. 

It hurts to watch!

Some people tend to be more prosocially motivated, in general, than others. These people are more chronically generous and tend to care a lot about other people. When they saw selfish behavior being exhibited, these prosocially-oriented people experienced a more extreme negative emotion than the average participant. In turn, they were more motived to prosocially gossip about the behavior, and also felt even better than the average person once they passed on the knowledge. 

Positive potential tattletaling

It turns out that, had Lisa known I might send news of her snack-bar-snatching habits down the grapevine, she probably wouldn’t have taken so many. People tend to be pretty good when they think they might be gossiped about.

Just as some people are more prosocial than average, there are people who are less prosocial than average, who tend to be more selfish, in general. These chronically selfish folks were more affected by knowing that they could be gossiped about, acting even more generous and prosocial than the average person.

This effect, that gossip motivates better behavior is part of the larger story Robb and his colleagues are finding about how gossip helps maintain cooperation and community. “If people have no means of distributing reputational information about one another, there’s little to deter bad behavior from happening. There’s little reason why you wouldn’t just engage in antisocial, exploitative behavior against others, if you have those sorts of motivations. However, if there’s some means for policing bad behavior, then that can reform the egoistic behavior of a more selfish individual, essentially lifting their levels of cooperation and prosociality to levels comparable with those with sincere prosocial motivation.” 

So, gossip can actually be a tool in facilitating cooperation. The snack bar example is a little silly and small, but these findings have larger implications. Robb mentioned previous research showing that people are more likely to vote if they think their neighbors will find out whether or not they did. He also suggested that prosocial gossip might apply to projects like arranging soup kitchens with people who live in similar areas or with similar interests. If you care what those people think of you, you’ll be more likely to continue helping. He’s also working on another study, examining whether the reputation of a community’s carbon footprint can spur action to lower it.  

Reputation matters to most people, and gossip is one way reputation is created. Gossip Wisely.

Robb Willer is an Associate Professor in the Departments of Sociology, Psychology (by courtesy), and the Graduate School of Business (by courtesy) at Stanford University. His work focuses on morality, status, politics, and masculinity. Robb’s research has appeared in such journals as American Sociological Review, American Journal of Sociology, Annual Review of Sociology, Administrative Science Quarterly, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Psychological Science, Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, and Social Networks. 

Genevieve Douglass is a composer and researcher at WOOPAAH. She also consults in NYC on motivation, burnout, and vitality, writes about various psychological phenomena, and enjoys frollicking in the park with her two tan dogs and pale husband.

7 steps for how not to feel bad for feeling bad.

Ever have a day when you know you have tons to be grateful for but still feel like shit? Don't feel bad about feeling bad. Judging your emotions actually stops the flow of information you're receiving. Which is the whole point of feelings. Feelings are another sense. The sixth sense. They allow us to navigate towards a better place. The more you bottle up your negative emotions, however uncomfortable they are, the more icky they become. Feelings just want to to be felt. Acknowledged. They want your attention. If you ignore them or disconfigure them - they'll just do all sorts of gymnastics to get your attention. And instead of showing you how to improve a situation, a relationship, yourself - their kungfu will get the best of you - until you're on your back with no other place to go. 

So how exactly does one not feel bad about feeling bad? Or not bottle up without turning looney tunes? Or receive the info so they don't need to get beat up completely with all sorts of tough biznass. 

Well here's how:

1. Acknowledge that you feel like crapola. 

2. Know that it's not YOU who is the crapola, it's just a fleeting sensation.

3. Know that fleeting sensation will pass. I can't guarantee how long it will take. So you have to be patient. The more you lean into this - the easier it will subside.

4. Pretend you can actually see yourself from 30 feet above and watch yourself. Imagine who you are watching is just a little kid who is going through something. Would you tell that little kid they're a loser, weak, or bad for being where they're at?

5. I hope not.

6. Give an imaginary hug that little kid. Love that kid. 

7. Give yourself a break. Find a way to be quiet, sleep, exercise, scream, do whatever feels right in the moment to show yourself you care about you and that you're honoring where you are at. Even if this is inconvenient. Even if this takes time that you may think you don't have.

My inspiration for The i Scream Truck came out of this process. Instead of judging myself for wanting to scream, I just let it happen. I acknowledged that something was up and that I wasn't crazy for feeling so overwhelmed. I chose not beat myself up for my emotions, but rather just acknowledged and expressed them with some screaming. Afterwards I felt tons better. 

If this resonates with you take one minute and 10 bucks to contribute to The i Scream Truck campaign to generate inner peace one block at a time!

With much love,

Stella

New Year, New You? How to Achieve Your Resolutions.

 

Srikumar Rao TED Talk “Plug Into Your Hard-Wired Happiness”

2012 is here, and many people like to begin a new year with a list of resolutions: lose weight, quit smoking cigarettes, get a better job, find a great relationship. And every year, they fail at meeting these goals. The gym membership expires unused, the nicotine patches lay on the counter next to the new pack of cigarettes, and they’re left feeling even more miserable, because now they’ve failed to live up to the resolution they set for themselves.

But Srikumar Rao has a solution for you that will help you achieve your goals and resolutions through happiness. In his TED talk, “Plug Into Your Hard-Wired Happiness” he argues that happiness, not unhappiness is our innate nature. We live in a culture, however, that is completely results-oriented and focuses solely on the outcome, not the journey: “If I get that new job with the six-figure salary, then I’ll be happy.” And this is where we set ourselves up for unhappiness. This “If/Then” model of existing makes us miserable because we can’t control the outcome, only our actions are within our control. When we only focus on the goal and create a perfect image in our mind for what it’s going to look like when we achieve it, and then it doesn’t fit our expectations perfectly, we’re inevitably disappointed.

Dr. Rao argues that we have to focus on the journey, not the outcome. People often fail at their resolution to lose weight because they’re focused only on the final result: when they don’t lose 10 pounds after their first week at the gym, they get discouraged and give up. But if they focus on and enjoy the process: finding delicious new healthy recipes, getting a chance to experience lots of interesting classes at the gym, taking up running outside in the park and enjoying nature, the desired result (weight loss) often follows. And the person is happier because they enjoyed the journey of learning to live a healthier life, rather than just focusing on the end result.

Accessing this “hard-wired happiness” allows you to live out your dreams. Dr. Rao argues that when you begin living your inner passion, the universe rearranges itself for you, making it easier for you to live that passion. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle: find happiness by living in the moment, and this will bring you the things that you desire, which will bring you more happiness. So as you begin the new year, focus on the actions, not the results in your resolutions, and you’ll find yourself living a richer, happier life in 2012!

Here's to your "blood singing with gratitude" as you revel on your way to your resolutions!

Amanda + Stella